IT'S.NOT.YOU.IT'S.ME

WRITER: KIM STIER

GEORGIA

Those are the words that people roll their eyes at, the stupid line everybody has heard and/or given. Sometimes, though, it’s true. It is the other person, but it is really hard to except that.

It seems like people are always leaving. Whether it’s a breakup, a betrayal, or death, people always go away. By choice, or by fate, it doesn’t make it any easier. I lost my Grandma when I was 7 and my Grandpa at 13. I went through some crazy times with falling for a guy, only to have him move on and leave me behind. It just kept happening over and over. This cycle of loss was something I became quite familiar with.

I didn’t understand. I kept asking myself, “What is wrong with me?” It gets to a boiling point where you’re just like, “I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m sick of people leaving ALL the time.” So then you try and do everything you can to make them stay. You become who society wants you to be. You live to please everybody else. You try to be perfect.

You know, I hate that word, perfect. There is never anyway that you can possibly achieve perfection. What I’ve learned though, is that you have to strive to be God’s idea of perfect, which is simply being yourself and living to please Him.

Being a perfectionist or people pleaser has plagued me my whole life, and I truly feel like it stems from all of the times I’ve felt “left”. I constantly compare myself to others. It’s exhausting to try so hard to be the prettiest, smartest, funniest, best person, only to fail every time. I just kept thinking, maybe if I were a little prettier, a little funnier, a little better at everything, people would stay. I kept trying to “better” myself so that people wouldn’t want to leave me.

Through some praying and soul-searching, I’ve found that I don’t have to live to please society. Not everybody is going to like me, and I’m never going to be perfect. People leave because they weren’t meant to stay in your life, but you can bet that someone is going to come who is meant to be in it forever. Some people come into your life in order to make a lasting impression when they’re gone. You have to understand that people don’t leave because of YOU, they leave because of themselves.

You are beautiful. You are smart. You are funny, kind, and wonderful. And you want to know why? Because you are YOU. So when you’re heartbroken or saddened because someone left, don’t blame it on yourself. Understand that most of the time, it’s not you, it’s me.