HERE ARE THE ANSWERS TO THE SURVEY'S QUESTIONS FROM A PSYCHOLOGIST AND THERAPIST Dr. TREVOR RASMUSSEN ... Enjoy
- What is
your general opinion on self-esteem issues with Women and Girls?
Due to social pressures and the media self-esteem issues of Women
and girls is significantly high. The pressures that they face from physical,
educational, vocational, social and emotional standpoints are overwhelming. By
definition I believe that individuals can “feel good” about themselves, having
self-esteem, which may be contributed to by external factors, such as, beauty,
career, material belongings, accolade, and accomplishment whereas the same
individual can lack a deeper meaning of self-identity and worth. Self-worth is
based on internal factors of beliefs, values, morals and connectedness to
others.
-Do you
think this is a International issue or more of an United State's issue?
I believe these issues are universal but may be more heavily laden
here in the United States due the freedoms that are provided by our country.
These influences are beginning to race across the world as the media stretches
these ideas further and further.
- What is
it about women/girls that make us constantly want to compare and bring down one
another?
The world presents a message to concur and succeed at all cost,
even if that is at the expense of someone else. Toxic Shame is at the core of
these tendencies. When we don’t feel that we measure up to that which is put in
front of us, good or bad, we feel shame. Many people are shame based, which is
that when we make mistakes we mesh our identity with the mistake and experience
feelings of worthlessness. One might say after making a mistake, “I am a
failure” or “I am so stupid,” they may think they are the mistake. We all learn
from a very young age a negative concept of bullying that if we are feeling bad
about ourselves, maybe putting someone down will elevate how we feel about ourselves.
This of course is false and ultimately continues the cycle of shame. There is a
quote one once said that “The only person you should attempt to be better than
is the person you were yesterday.”
- Being a
girl and knowing how hard life and the pressures are on girls... why do you
think we do not see that connection and want to help one another rather than
compare, judge and bring down each other?
Toxic Shame!!! It takes a lot of effort to develop self-worth and
properly manage healthy shame or guilt. An individual who has good self-worth,
feels worthy of love and belonging, and can separate the mistakes they make
from who they are as an individual and then turns their efforts of living to
the needs of others and is based in Empathy. Another factor to consider is that
many of the traditional values that women exemplify and have and the roles that
they take on are being lost to the “new normal.” These traditional values and
roles are not respected in our society.
-Is there a
way you think we can approach this problem that would be more effective than
what is being done now? How can we break the initial thought of pity and
actually solve and help women with self esteem problems?
Turn off the TV, Social Media and return to core values and
beliefs. The key to unraveling toxic shame is Empathy. Symptoms of the problem
must be properly managed, networks of support must be built and service to
others rendered. The fundamental principles of the gospel are to draw us to
Christ. What better person to teach us of Empathy, than the one who truly
understands us and the pain we experience in this life. By losing ourselves in
service to others we serve God and in turn we find our self-worth.
- Why are
men and women so different in dealing with each other? Is there something in
our brains that are different then men's? Is it because we are wired to be more
emotional than them?
I strongly believed we are created with different strengths and
when unified in a healthy marriage these strengths are blessings to each
individual. It’s as if men and women are on opposite ends of a spectrum and by
working together they can migrate towards the center of that spectrum and
create a balance. “Society Norms/gender roles” play into this to some extent. For example, boys are taught not to show
emotion while girls are taught that showing emotion is expected. The strength that a woman has in her
role as mother and nurturer demands that sensitivity to emotion. Communication
differences between men and women are also major factors.
- What do
you think media portrayals have to do with women's self esteem and how we treat
each other?
As human being we mirror what is presented to us in social norms
and by the media for acceptance and a sense of belonging. Every person on this
planet is looking for a sense of self and identity. How men and women are
portrayed in the media influences us from a very young age and we begin to
develop patterns of what we believe to be acceptable behavior and the attitudes
we develop. We need to be looking for these things in healthier places, rather
than taking the worlds view as the know-all.
-What are
some of the main causes of these problems?
Trauma and pain, generations of shame based individuals, lack of
education, loss of values and morals, the world’s influence and pressures of
temporary pleasure and false senses of happiness, abusive circumstances in all
their formats, a lack of spiritual influences and a lack of obedience to
healthy principles.
- What are
some ways you treat girls and women with self-esteem problems? How can you dig
deeper and actually help?
I follow a particular format knowing that shame is at the core of
many mental health issues and addictions. The first of this 4 phase model is
stopping the symptoms. Most people enter treatment in a Crisis phase. Our
initial objective is to get someone back to baseline where they are better able
to process core issues, where self-worth and esteem are located. It is nigh to
impossible to simply stop something, especially deep seeded patterns of
thinking and behaviors. There is no magic wand that can immediately “Stop It.”
Tools and interventions must be implemented and symptoms managed to START
something new in our lives, this is done by helping individuals change the
frontal cortex of the brain by implementing dailies. Once a person is beginning
to more appropriately manage their symptoms, they can begin to reach out and
connect to others, Phase 2, building networks of support. One of our primary
needs as humans is to have a sense of love and belonging, to be connected, yet
shame destroys this connectedness and isolates us. Phase 3, is focused on
self-esteem/self-worth. Individuals are better able at this point to begin
assessing their value and accepting who they are. Finally, once an individual
is in a healthier state they can do trauma work. Too often, unseasoned
therapists start with trauma work, sending clients into a downward spiral
because they are not healthy enough to appropriately deal with these issues. By
this time in the work, individuals have developed tools and coping skills to
manage symptoms that may arise when they are triggered by the experiences of
trauma in their lives.
- Does this
issue come from family issues or other outlets or more from within the individual?
Nature vs. Nurture??? I say both. I believe we come into this
world, all at different levels of progression. We are then influenced heavily
by the environments and circumstances of life that impact our identity and worth.
-Do you
believe movies like Mean Girls and other high school type movies
idolize/promote emotional and physical fights between females?
Yes, Movies/media create ideas that leave marked impressions on
our ever developing minds. Our youth are being berated in every which direction
by these negative ideas and they are becoming more widely accepted by our
society. We must be vigilant at teaching our children from the very beginning,
principles of love and belonging.
-What are
some types of tactics that girls use the most against one another to make the
other feel bad? How are these tactics less/more dangerous than how boys handle
fights with one another?
For boys, physical violence is primary. “You hurt me by taking my
toy, I hit you, you hit me back, we say sorry, avoid thinking about this on
emotional terms and we move on.” With girls, emotional games are generally the
format because this is what hurts the most.
Girls are thinkers and feelers and these types of fights cut to
the core.
-What are
some ways that you recommend that women/girls can do FOR THEMSELVES to help
their self-esteem, or stop their bullying?
We do what we know. Women must work to change the future by
starting with themselves and what they know. This can be accomplished through
education, treatment if needed, self-care, positive and healthy connections
with others and developing values. Believing that we can change and break the
cycles that are pasted on to us. As individuals become healthier they then
model that healthiness to their children and the next generation.
-What can
OTHERS do to help out girls they feel might feel depressed, bullied, etc.?
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