LOOKING. OR. BEING

 

 

WRITER: CYDNEY ALLEN

VIRGINIA

FOUNDER OF THE CROWN PROJECT

In a world where we focus on beauty, performance and accomplishment we sometimes forget what matters most, the thing that is the most unique and important: OUR INNER SELF.

Sometimes we might feel so insecure and defeated that we might not see a reason to want to work on ourselves.  Sometimes we might not see a point in making a personality more important than what you look like.

Sometimes we would rather LOOK attractive than BE attractive.

Society sends a message to women that in order to be attractive in society you must look physically attractive - have a pretty face, nice clothes, pretty hair, a nice smile, clear skin, popular personalities, curves, and be “slim” at the same time.  I think at times we feel like the beautiful are the one who get the attention while the rest of us are picking up the scraps.

At some point we have compared ourselves to something or someone we perceive as “better.” With that as the general feeling a lot of us will put an emphasis on if we are dressing cute enough, if we lost the right amount of weight, if we are being successful at something, if we are smart, if we have friends etc. A lot of us will wrestle with our views of self throughout the day. We will compare ourselves, put ourselves down or even sadly put others down to make ourselves feel important or of worth.

How many of us to check ourselves throughout the day or look at a mirror every time we walk by one just so we feel we have a fighting chance in a day of being a woman… to being one of the small, few, beautiful…?

Our society is created off the competition and comparison of others. Our society tells us that our value as women is determined by physical appearance, success, and popularity. (How many of us have seen the “”WHO WORE IT BETTER?” section of magazines…Boom there ya go.)

Women feel that they are going to have to be at the top of their game all the time to be something in this life. The thought that all women have this mindset on some level to be the best all the time is exhausting.

So the question is, does our self-esteem and worth to others and ourselves fall under LOOKING OR BEING attractive?

There is a huge difference between just looking attractive and truly being attractive.

As a society we are really focusing on what we do instead of who we are. We are not thinking in terms of people but of a desired result or look. We are so wrapped up in the trends, norms, and images that we forget about what matters most…who we are becoming.

 Women are judged off of being successful in life, being a cute little baker, if we are like the girls in Hollywood, if we are fun, smart, popular, showing love in a “normal” way, active, fashionable etc… but in the end does that matter about the core importance of humanity…. WHO ARE WE?

The answer is an astounding no. How many of us find moments when do not want to talk to or befriend someone because they are not like us? How many of us catch ourselves judging others performances, their fashion, their different personalities, sexual orientation or beliefs?  The person being buried beneath the superficial layers of our world are being forgotten. The beauty and importance we all have are faded in our paradigms and biases.  This is a creation of our society.

If you look at a lot of the things we do we are constantly comparing ourselves to the LOOKING attractive.  Although our social medias are wonderful things that can help us connect to those around us, help us share ideas and collect ideas  it can also be something that can sway our beliefs in others and ourselves.

Now, I am the first to admit I am shamefully guilty of Pinterest. I have a pin board for probably everything but what is Pinterest mostly about? I think a lot of us will see the common pattern of pictures and sayings of:

 “My motivation to look like this...”

“ Dress to Impress…”

“ I WANT THIS…”

“ I NEED THIS…”

“Perfect Makeup Tutorial…”

“Suck it up so you don’t have to suck it in…”

“ Get better Hair…”

“Workout…”

“ Cute Clothes…”

“I wish this…”

And the list goes on… A lot of these things are not helping us facilitate the beauty, importance and uniqueness we already have.  We are comparing and wanting things we do not have… things of the superficial and we buy into it. I even find myself getting off of pinterest asking myself… “Man do I dress well…”   But what type of beauty is that… being or looking?

Now Facebook…. What do you find yourself looking at most? It is not catching up or writing people hellos, it is looking at people’s lives and what they are doing. How many of us are looking at photos and thinking man she is looking good… they look like they are having fun or asking questions comparing your life to theirs? The funny thing with Facebook is we are comparing each other’s BESTS to our common everyday life. No one is ever going to put up a boring picture or a ugly picture of themselves….so we are looking again at the things that are not reality and mostly not the things that make us … well US.

Looking at these two examples we are bombarded with what the world thinks is important, beautiful and successful. We do not look at the struggles we all have, the kinks and imperfections we have or most importantly inner beauty/worth.

People often say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but what if that beholder is looking through the lenses of the world? This is sometimes hard to understand and overcome.  We all have a hard time not seeing ourselves through that lens.

I think my girl Audrey Hepburn says it best, “ The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.” A person with a beautiful soul inside will outshine a beautiful person who only has the looks but doesn't have a beautiful soul.  I think time is the true speaker of who wins in the attractive contest of LOOKING AND BEING.

When you are attractive on the inside nothing can shake that, nothing in the world can change that about you. No outside thing can hurt that beauty. The trends that come and go will not change the definition of YOUR beauty or style. The body image of the changing times will not affect you.  You have to rely on the things that MAKE YOU sparkle on the inside because when the sparkles fall away outside what is left?  Eventually wrinkles start to set in ,  looks change, people’s looks will fade and  if they did not work on improving themselves to become a better person inside then they be lacking beauty in both and truly turn into an ugly person.

The reality of the world is there will always be someone

 Prettier than you,

 Smarter than you,

Younger than you

 Or

 Richer than you…

But they will never ever be you. 

Most of us have probably felt at one point in our lives that we don’t fit the mold. Much of the confusion we experience in this life comes from simply not understanding who we are.  It saddens me to think that many go around the world throughout their lives thinking they do not matter. In reality we are beautiful individualistic creations tat have infinite value and potentials.   Discovering who we really are is part of the beautiful mess we call life.  We need to BE attractive and create firm sense of worth and beauty. We want to create that source in a sturdy knowledge not something that fades in time. When we become attractive we can come to understand we are not ordinary, alone, or ugly. We come to understand the very core and heart of who we are…something timeless and beautiful. This knowledge changes every part of your being. It changes your present. It can change your future. And it can change the world. Be don’t look the part.

BE attractive and Be happy with WHO YOU ARE.